then again, even if i do, i wont. because he's in a steady relationship with this girl he knew long back. she's pretty and they totally look alike. i mean, who am i to compete with her. the only thing i have more is well, my education. she has the looks, the bods and Fahmi. *sigh*
i cannot possibly do that to her. i think if i were to text him, i surely can. BUT im not gonna.
anyway. reading the old messages made me think... i was so happy back then. i really was. even if the longest relationship i had with a guy was only like, 3 months, but i was really happy. haha this is crazy. thinking about how miserable i had become since i stopped believing that someone is actually created for me. i guess, it is all in Allah's hands (figuratively)
i know Allah knows what's best for me. i know i should learn to accept that it is not always the same for everyone else. take Fahmi for example, if he's not chasing me, i'm pretty sure he's out there chasing some other girls. bad side, if i actually did accepted his proposal 2 years ago, will i still be happy now? what are the chances that he wont cheat on me like he did (does?) to his super perfect girlfriend?
not forgetting, his job won't be adequate if i happen to get married to him. LOL.
okay. so let's see. so far my life is going as planned.
- 20 and I'm in my 2nd year.
- teaching part time so technically im earning my own money
- i've found my new BFF, anak cina Dang Ibon
what i haven't got is
- a soulmate. HAHA.
then again, it is not fair to say that i don't have one. i currently am in contact with this guy for like more than a year now, Safwan. BUT, idk. he's always busy with school and stuff. kalah menteri. and he doesnt make me feel like a girl. it is safe to say that, i am wearing the pants in the relation-SHIT. yep, i am that pissed off.